Discussion regarding: How does it feel to be the parent of your child? How is your child developmentally the same or different from other children at the various ages? What professionals/agencies do you deal with? What services are available to you and your child? How did you find out about the above services? What financial burden, if any, are you experiencing?
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After years of trying to have a child, my husband and I began the process of adopting a child. We went through interviews and home studies, child-proofed our home, met with lawyers and adoption counselors, and we attended meeting after meeting. We looked into Foster care, and we decided to consider adopting an older child. Less than one year ago, we met Alex when he was placed for adoption, and we fell in love with him immediately! Considering his past, which is, of course, confidential, he is an extremely well adjusted boy. Alex simply became an irreplaceable and absolute member of our family. He loves hugs, attention, talking about everything, and he has responded well to love and consistent discipline.
Alex is seven years old now, and just started the Second grade. Developmentally, he is right where he should be for an average bright seven year old. He has light blue eyes, that floppy straight blond hair that falls into his face, and a very loud set of lungs, which we learned the first time we tried to cut his hair after adopting him! We make him get haircuts, but I now I keep a pair of earplugs on hand to manage the ear-piercing screams! (He has a happy personality and bounces back as soon as the cutting is over--perhaps he does not like the sound of the scissors near his ears!) Alex is bright, very active, loves to play tag and running games, and he does play well with the other children in our neighborhood. Thankfully, we live in a safe neighborhood where other parents also make their kids play outside!
My husband and I are so happy to be parents, and to have such a wonderful son, that I feel like I am being ungrateful to share anything negative. I've had a few months to adjust to being a parent, and I would not trade this experience for the world. But truthfully, I feel a bit overwhelmed. My husband and I are active in our church, and we do have a wonderful support group with our church as well, which has helped us a great deal. The "being a parent" part is not the overwhelming feeling I am talking about though. Last May, Alex's first grade teacher, Mrs. Thompson, brought to our attention that Alex seemed to be struggling in school, and thought we might want to get him tested. She told us that he was bright, listened to instructions, and was able to verbally express himself, but he fell behind other students in reading the alphabet, sounding out words, saying or understanding even daily sight words on a page. He was not able to do the worksheets well, even when she posted answers for students to check. She noticed his frustrations, though she was impressed that he did not give up. He actually was trying, but not quite getting it. She told us that even though it is normal for students who are young to spell words or certain letters backwards at times, he seemed to have difficulty with writing and understanding written words.
Upon hearing this, my husband and I felt very sad and anxious for Alex, who had never been diagnosed with any kind of problem. We had been told that Alex was healthy, and that within a period of adjustment time, he would be just like any other child. We had specifically avoided adopting some children with very serious health problems and disabilities, since we did not feel that we would be able to cope with them, financially or emotionally. However, we do have health insurance, and Alex is covered, so we scheduled a doctors appointment to get him appropriate referrals to any necessary specialists for testing. We also asked the school to do their testing, and to do anything possible to help our son. Of course, I also began to research this online!
I found it unsettling to deal with the amount of information that was online, and everyone I spoke with had at least 5 new opinions. However, I am grateful that we had the summer to do all necessary testing and also to let Alex just be Alex. We continued to encourage his playtime, sports activites, and got him into swimming lessons. We also spent time for a few minutes, a few times each day, to practice writing the alphabet, looking at sight words, and reading stories to him. Meanwhile, we saw medical specialists. The co-pays and deductible with Kaiser did add up fairly quickly! My husband and I had to cut back on other items just to cover the medical tests. Financially, we had some challenges, but we have been able to handle them with careful budgeting.
Apparently, when a child has a reading disability, they need to test for vision issues and auditory issues. I learned that even though a child may have perfect vision, the vision needs to be tested as they may have a problem processing the visual cues. Furthermore, hearing needs to be tested to check for auditory processing issues. I never knew that there were so many tests!
Since the school year just began, we took all of the test results and recommendations and went to a meeting today with Alex's new second grade teacher, Mrs. Munoz, and a school specialist. The specialist used to only work at this school, but due to budget cuts last year, now she works for the school district and goes to all the schools in our area. The good news is that the school district was able to keep the best person for the job. The bad news is that she will not be available to check in often. However, together we set up an IEP (Individualized Education Plan), and we all agreed on the main points to help my son. First, Alex will be taken during R.T.I. (Response to Intervention) time to a special teacher for individualized reading instruction with only a couple of other students who also will be at his level. Intensive intervention to help him at this age will be most beneficial, and will help Alex as his brain continues to develop and change. When Alex is ready, he will be able to graduate back up the levels in his school to learn with other classmates. Furthermore, we know from our neighbors that Mrs. Munoz is an excellent teacher. She came highly recommended because she does a lot of hands on projects, group work, and does not limit her teaching to visual cues. She will be sure that Alex has many opportunities to learn the same content by modifying his instruction until he is able to read well. He also will be given some extra time for spelling tests, as well as additional sound and picture cues to the words when possible. Finally, due to his frustration and short attention span when looking at letters and words, his homework and class work will be modified to increase his ability to learn while reducing his feelings of frustration.
Well, I am feeling much better after today's meeting! With the IEP, support at school, and no more tests for some time, I am feeling like I can breathe again! All of the professionals assured my husband and me that this is a learning disability that can be overcome and managed. Since we are on top of it, and since Alex is so bright, they expect a very positive outcome. Our church prayer group is also praying for Alex, and I believe some of our prayers were answered because we clearly are getting the help we need. I feel relief, and I know that if we persevere and take one day at a time we will overcome this hurdle.
On another positive note, the economy is improving as related to my husbands business. This will help us get back on top of the medical bills and prepare for other possible expenses. The next tests will be to monitor Alex, and will be done at regular intervals over the next few years. We have decided at this time to spend brief periods of time with Alex daily, after school and on weekends, to help him to improve. This will take time and patience, but we are willing to put in the hours to help our son. When he is older, if we are unable to tutor him ourselves, we may consider hiring a tutor. For now, we should be able to provide him that extra support ourselves, without having to spend additional money, while we are trying to save for the future. My husband and I both are also spending even more time reading books with Alex, and having him re-read them along with us. We give lots of encouragement, and are sure to provide Alex with lots of time to do other things he is good at. This will continue to improve his self esteem in a healthy manner. I certainly can say that I have learned a lot going through this. I understand so much more now, including the understanding that children with learning disabilities can be extremely intelligent, hardworking, and not have any visible issues. I also learned a lot about managing the online information!
In conclusion, we are very happy with our son and extremely proud of him. We know that he is a happy, healthy child and that by addressing this now, he will have the same opportunities open to him when he grows up that he would have had without this reading disability. While it is clear that parenting has a number of issues we did not foresee, we have the faith that we will be able to give Alex what he needs to become a well adjusted and successful adult. Meanwhile, we will love our son and do our best to be the best possible parents to him.
In conclusion, we are very happy with our son and extremely proud of him. We know that he is a happy, healthy child and that by addressing this now, he will have the same opportunities open to him when he grows up that he would have had without this reading disability. While it is clear that parenting has a number of issues we did not foresee, we have the faith that we will be able to give Alex what he needs to become a well adjusted and successful adult. Meanwhile, we will love our son and do our best to be the best possible parents to him.
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What other information do you want to share?
I would have to say that even when it feels like it, this is not the end of the world. I strongly recommend getting involved in a local church prayer group and even a parent support group. The groups we joined at our church have given us peace, hope, and comfort. Also, I believe the prayers work! Personally, I like our church's parenting group, but support groups of various kinds are available in most communities as well. I find that we have really benefited from having others who understand and can relate to our challenges. As a parent who just is discovering that their child has a learning disability, I would want to share that it is something that can be helped and managed. I am grateful our teacher helped us to catch this so early! If a teacher does not notice, be sure to ask them about any concerns you have. There are many resources available, so be sure to check with your local school. The education system in our country has many great resources. Thanks to IDEA (Individuals with Disabilities Education Act,) all students are entitled to a Free Appropriate Public Education (FAPE). A school will set up an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) to modify instruction for your child. We have many medical resources and counseling services available as well, so I would also recommend talking to the family physician. Finally, I would want others to know they are not alone, and to offer encouragement to them.
.......................................................Some websites that might be helpful include:
General information:
http://www.aap.org/publiced/BR_LearningDisabilities.htm
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/learning_disabilities.htm
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/learning_disabilities.htm
http://helpguide.org/mental/learning_disabilities_treatment_help_coping.htm
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0002379/
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0002379/
http://www.ldonline.org/article/6253
http://www.ldonline.org/index.php
https://www.wetalearningmedia.org/yellowpages/index.php?id=93
http://www.ldonline.org/index.php
https://www.wetalearningmedia.org/yellowpages/index.php?id=93
Information on IEP's:
http://helpguide.org/mental/pdf/IEP.pdf
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I wish you all the best!
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I wish you all the best! 